Waiting

This is not just the typical "waiting"... No...This is painfully close to being tortured.

In addition to waiting for our LOA (letter of acceptance) or RA (referral acceptance) (day 49 of that); my father-in-law has been in ICU since March 16th.  He had a massive stroke & had to have brain surgery to remove a blood clot from his brain...We have been waiting for him to wake up...

Praying...Waiting...Waiting...Praying...That is my life right now...I actually wake up praying in the middle of the night.  Everyday I wonder, "Is today the day?!"  Every night I tell myself, "Tomorrow is the day."

My life is consumed right now...I feel as though normal life has been put in slow-motion and we're stuck in limbo...

Some days we are strong!!!  And other days we are very weak...We push through, though...

I told my husband that I had a vision of our family on a battle field, bloody...And we would get knocked down, but get right back up, albeit slowly & shaky, we WOULD get back up, grab our swords & stand our ground & fight!

Waiting...It is NOT easily understood why we have to wait...Most people HATE to wait...I'm one of them.  BUT, if I trust that God has my life in His hands; if I trust that I have FULLY surrendered my life & everything in it to God, then I must trust that the wait is for a good reason...Tough stuff to swallow...

I recently found out that the Cx3WA, (the place where our paperwork is in Ch*na being processed) would be closed this Monday-Wednesday for a Ch*nese holiday & that my adoption agency would be closed Thursday afternoon & Friday for Good Friday...I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach.  Now I realized that there would be no reason to stalk my email or hold onto my phone for dear life WAITING for that Oh-So-Important news that our RA had arrived...Nope...This whole week would be void of the possibility of receiving that good news...*frowny face*

This is also the week of decisions for my father-in-law...Pressure from the doctors to make indescribably tough decisions...Pressure...Pressure...Pressure...*sigh* Can I make it through this week?  I'm sure I can...I will; I know that deep down, but sometimes it doesn't feel like it...

I cried A LOT in the last 2 days...More than I have in months...I try to be strong & I don't really like to cry...But the heartache was more than I could bare, and I sobbed...

"This, too, shall pass..."  I know it, I know it, I know it...I know my father-in-law will get well...I know my RA will come...I know the day will come when all of this will be a distant memory & my father-in-law will be holding little Marlee in his arms...We WILL see that day...But for now...

We wait...